The BSWC was founded in 2005 and since then has been a resource for thousands of second wives or girlfriends. Members come from all over the world and all walks of life and have ranged in age from 20 to 70+. What we all have in common is that we are with a man who has been married before.
What are the issues that second wives face? Bitter and angry ex-wives; alienated step-children; general relationship problems; sometimes jealousy of the first wife and what they had together (both rational and irrational); difficult or unsupportive in-laws (or even your own family, who may disapprove of you being with a man who is divorced); financial problems, quite often related to divorce payouts, spousal and child maintenance; issues about boundaries and etiquette between first and second wives, and so on.
There are many threads about dealing with children. I have children of my own, so step-children have been easy to assimilate, but there are many women who suddenly find they have an ‘instant’ family and no clue what to do with them – especially when the ex and the partner have different views about parenting. And what do you do when your own children and your step-children do not get on? Or your children and your new partner?
Friends and family quickly become bored of hearing yet another horror story about the ex or the step-children. They may doubt that what you are saying is true (and some of the stories in our Forum would be hard to believe had so many of us not been in similar situations). They may side with the ex, even if they have never met her, often, we believe, because the concept of second marriage can be very threatening to some people. Your own husband or partner might be so consumed by guilt that he does not know which way to turn. The situation can drive a huge wedge between you and him and can cause an enormous amount of stress.
I used to spend hours trawling the internet desperately trying to find advice on what to do in my situation, but the BSWC, when I finally found it, was a lifeline – a huge anonymous online community of women who were having similar problems and were ready to share their experience and advice.
I very much hope you also find this site useful. And don’t forget – the odds of this marriage surviving are better than his first one!
With best wishes,